


And a Plastic Prick in a Pine Tree

by emynn (orphan_account)



Series: An Adult Christmas [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Christmas, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Naughty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2013-12-16
Packaged: 2018-01-04 19:25:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1084816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/emynn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some things change, some things stay the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And a Plastic Prick in a Pine Tree

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place one year after [Adult Conversations](http://emynn.insanejournal.com/110348.html#cutid1), although it more or less stands on its own. Written for adventdrabble's 2013 Prompt 15: [Jingle Balls ornament](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v650/1Alisanne1/pornament-jingle-Balls1_zpsbc886061.jpg) (Not incredibly safe for work)

“A package arrived today.”

Harry looked up at Severus from where he was busy wrapping presents in front of the Christmas tree. Milo was napping in front of the fire, which made it the first time all week he’d been able to use curling ribbon without having it batted out of his hands. “Oh? Who sent it?”

“The Weasleys,” Severus said, handing the box to Harry. 

“That’s weird,” Harry said, turning it over. “Why didn’t he just give this to me at work? Besides, we’re exchanging presents on Boxing Day.”

“Must be a special present,” Severus said. “Shall we open it?”

Harry shrugged and began to tear into the package. “Might as well. Although I still don’t – _oh_.”

Severus peered over. “Is that a dildo with sleigh bells for testicles?”

“Not quite,” Harry said, pulling the object out of the box. For one, it was far too flimsy for the type of use Severus and Harry demanded of their dildos. Cheap plastic simply would not do.

For another, it was dangling from a piece of gold string, making it clear it was actually designed hang from a Christmas tree.

“Merlin, the damn thing even has ‘Jingle Balls’ written down up the shaft,” Severus said, his voice a most peculiar combination of awe and disgust. “Where did Weasley even find this blasted… _pornament_?”

“I can’t even imagine,” Harry said. He pulled out a card that had been tucked inside the box. “Perhaps this will tell us.”

“Honestly, Harry,” Severus said. “Every time I think maybe, just _maybe_ your friends have matured since Hogwarts, they manage to prove me wrong. What with last year Weasley going hysterical over Milo darting out with a novelty Santa g-string in his mouth –”

“That’s exactly it,” Harry said, handing the card to Severus.

“Dear Harry and Snape,” Severus read aloud. “Happy anniversary! Hard to believe it’s been exactly one year since that fateful day I realised I don’t know everything, and the beginning of my realising that perhaps the two of you were both just mad enough to make this whole relationship thing work. Anyway, I saw this in a Muggle shop and it reminded me you. You two do have a thing for X-rated holiday fun, don’t you? Enjoy! Much love, Ron.” 

Harry smiled. “That’s rather nice of him, don’t you think? I mean, it may not be the most conventional approach, but I’d say that he’s practically giving us his blessing. Definitely a turnaround from last year.”

Severus grunted. Then he took the ornament from Harry and hung it front and centre on their tree.

“Hey!” Harry exclaimed. “We can’t hang that there!”

“And why not?” Severus said. “You said yourself this was a surprisingly kind and generous gesture on Weasley’s part. Why shouldn’t we show off such a token of friendship?”

“Um, maybe because it’s a _penis_ ,” Harry said incredulously. “With _jingle balls_!”

“I never realised were so prudish,” Severus said. “Half the population has a penis. It’s not terribly shocking.”

“People will _see_ it though,” Harry said. “What if a child asks what it is and we end up having to give a sex talk?”

“It’s not as though children frequently come through our house,” Severus pointed out.

“Ron and Hermione are bringing Rosie by tomorrow for dinner!”

“Rosie is not yet one. But if, by some miracle, she is precocious enough to recognise the object for what it is, I’ll be all too happy to explain to her why her father chose to send us such a gift.”

Harry shook his head. “Honestly, sometimes I wonder why you and Ron don’t spend more time together. The two of you are both so entirely incorrigible you’d probably end up being best friends.”

“Hmm,” Severus said, running a finger up the plastic shaft.

“On the other hand, I probably shouldn’t encourage that,” Harry said. “The world may not survive.” He stood up and wrapped his arms around Severus’ waist. “You’re pleased, aren’t you? It’s okay. You can admit you’re relieved my friends have completely accepted you in my life.”

Severus turned around and kissed Harry soundly on the lips. “It’s the most beautiful plastic prick I’ve ever seen.”

Harry laughed and tugged Severus close. “What do you say we go and find that Santa g-string? For old times’ sake?”

“I think,” Severus said, “that sounds like a perfect idea.”

Harry grinned and led Severus by the hand up the stairs. 

Yes, in its own special way, everything had worked out just fine.


End file.
